Domestic Violence – He hit me and it felt like a Kiss


Whilst Domestic Violence in Turkey is common remember it is also widespread in the UK and across the world. This does not mean it is acceptable.

Do not justify your lovers violence just because he is Turkish – Hitting a woman is considered as unjust  in Turkish Culture as it is in most Western European countries.

Beware That in Kurdish Culture, Domestic Violence is rife. It is often viewed  as a righteous and necessary evil to protect a mans Honor. I cannot say that every Kurdish man will have a predisposition towards violence against women, however it is something that you must be aware of.

Ramita Navai reports for Channel Four on Kurdish Honor Killings here  Unreported World – Honor Killings

I can say from personal experience that some Turkish men, will find it appropriate to lash out – a Western woman blinded by love may forget that back home she would not tolerate such behavior be careful not to fall into this dangerous trap. 

Never take a punch for the sake of  ‘when in rome’

Common Sense – for self preservations sake

  • Never insult ‘Turkey’ – Turkish people are fiercely nationalistic
  • Never insult ‘Islam’ – This should be self explanatory!
  • Curb your flirtatious nature – take your man seriously if he picks you up on your ‘behavior’ 

 Although you may not take kindly to being told what to do, if he tells you something then listen to what he has to say, don’t fly off the handle in defense mode this will only frustrate him, and fuel the fire. Take the hint if it’s warranted. His opinion whether right or wrong in your eyes, is often a warning. Above all trust your own instincts – for this is often your  inner alarm bell. If you don’t like his attitude then you are free to end the relationship. If you respect his wishes, and he is not being unreasonable then listen and reach a compromise.

A good benchmark is to try and put yourself in his shoes

If for example you have become a little carried away whilst under the influence of a few too many Vodka and cokes and start to girate on top of the Bar; whilst geniunly not feeling that strange Turk touching your leg. Remember your lovers feelings maybe brusied.  And fair Play, as long as he doesn’t chastise you to much, he is probably just trying to protect your modesty. Likewise if a guy chats you up, he is bound to be upset as you would be if another girl was all over him. However it’s all about context and reason.

If conflict should occur try not to goade your Turkish Lover, it may be fun to wind up your boyfriend in England but the consequences are usually poles apart. Try your best to take the upper hand not by out shouting him but by exuding calm and do everything you can to try and diffuse the situation.

 Diplomacy should come before declaring all out War!

Turkish Police – Attitudes towards Violence against (Tourist) Women

If you find yourself in a situation where things have got out of hand then in my personal experience the police will take the matter seriously. The Turkish Police do seem a little bit ‘Red Riding’ and will no doubt take a ‘black eye for a black eye’ – but don’t feel sorry for your boyfriend when he comes back from the Police Station a little worse for wear – I would say that the most important thing to do is contact a friend or a relative and let them know the situation – this is vital. Make the call, don’t be ashamed we all need a little bit of help now and again.

Islam – The Quran and Women

In the name of the merciful and compassionate Allah. Praise belongs to Allah, the lord of the worlds, the merciful, the compassionate, the ruler of the day of judgement!

It is Allah who is  judge and jury – by his hand only he will punish if he so chooses – no one else is greater than his judgement. Above all he is Merciful and Compassionate.



One response to “Domestic Violence – He hit me and it felt like a Kiss

  1. Hi.. My name is Ana Tafoya from Media Academy Preparatory in Oakland CA. Im a senior and for my senior project Im doing domestic violence as my topic. I’m writting you because I saw your website. I’m asking you If you can give me permition to use your picture form your website to put it in my website at . I will appreciate If I can use your picture in my website for my senior project.

    Thank you for reading this email and I will appreciate it If you can answer me the sooner posible.Thank you.

    Sincerely: Ana Tafoya

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