There once was a very wise man that said ”You Give but little when you give of your possessions it is when you give of yourself that you truly give”
– Kahil Gibran
It took me a while to heed to this mans sage. I fell in love hard and fast, and subsequently fell into the Gift giving trap. He never asked, that’s the thing they rarely do. And as the Relationship sped forward, I lost control of my emotions, clinging onto the one thing I could always control in the relationship – Money. I felt empowered by my own good fortunes and my genorosity became a warped mascot for the privilged life I led in comparison to his. What I was doing in my naviety was cultivating a relationship based on the Material; which I would later come to resent when my Turkish boyfriend became so accustomed to recieving, that he eventually became numbed by the experience, appearing nochalent and in my eyes ungrateful. As my affections grew stronger, instead of showering him with my love I showered him with gifts. This physical act of giving, in a long distance relationship replaced the physical act of love making. It is important to keep your head and remember that in any homegrown relationship such gift giving is striclty limited to special occasions only, and for good reason.
When he asks
There are some Turkish Boyfriends that are ignorant to the reality of living in the UK.
They will see you spending freely on holiday, see that jewellery and those nice clothes and assume that you are loaded. What they won’t be able to see is how you live back home. How you work hard struggling to find money for bills, wishing that your dreams would match up to your pay. Just as it is rude to ask someone you barely know for money or gifts in the UK, it is equally rude to do so in Turkey. If he is bold in his demands it is because you have already been too generous or else others before you have created a monster. If you have been together for a while and he has some sudden ‘family’ disaster and needs 3000 Euros; remember that once you weren’t around. So ask yourself this, what did he used to do back then? – the answer is he coped. In this situation it is best to carefully explain your own circumstances and remind him that you also have family and other financial commitments to deal with. If he really cares about you he should accept this reality check with grace. And if he doesn’t then perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship. The basic rule here is that you should never entertain parting with your cash not even to save his soul. As this behaviour will only set a costly precsident that will ultimately end in heartbreak.
The Healthy Alternative
Remember that rose he crafted especially for you from a beer stained serviette?
I bet you felt in that moment of unbridled cheddar that romance had finally been resurrected – Hallelujah!
How wonderful did you feel when he declared your beauty in front of all of his friends. And how about those Endporhins that coursed through your body as you nestled your head inside the nook of his chest as you watched the sunset together?
Every moment like this is a gift and frankly the Material should not enter the stratosphere of your love, for it will only serve to poison it over time. There are of course ways you can spend that hard earned holiday money that always seems to burn a hole in your pocket. But however you chose to splash the cash do it wisely so that you will both benefit, remembering that a good relationship is based on equality. By all means treat yourselves to a romantic dinner now and again. But let him put some effort in to it aswell; he should be cooking a Grill for you on the beach whilst you kick back with an Efes or two. Spend your money well, rent a Scooter or a Car – let him be your personal guide for the day. These are all realativly inexpensive ways to invest in a bank of memories that will ultimately pay you back in dividends. Think about the long term, for every Lira that you spend now, will later seem priceless when you’re apart and reminising about the good times that you shared together.