Your Turkish boyfriend and Money

 

There once was a very wise man that said ”You Give but little when you give of your possessions it is when you give of yourself that you truly give”

Kahil Gibran

It took me a while to heed to this mans sage. I fell in love hard and fast, and subsequently fell into the Gift giving trap. He never asked, that’s the thing they rarely do. And as the Relationship sped forward, I lost control of my emotions, clinging onto the one thing I could always control in the relationship – Money. I felt empowered by my own good fortunes and my genorosity became a warped mascot for the privilged life I led in comparison to his. What I was doing in my naviety was cultivating a relationship based on the Material; which I would later come to resent when my Turkish boyfriend became so accustomed to recieving, that he eventually became numbed by the experience, appearing nochalent and in my eyes ungrateful. As my affections grew stronger, instead of showering him with my love I showered him with gifts. This physical act of giving, in a long distance relationship replaced the physical act of love making. It is important to keep your head and remember that in any homegrown relationship such gift giving is striclty limited to special occasions only, and for good reason.

When he asks

 There are some Turkish Boyfriends that are ignorant to the reality of living in the UK.

They will see you spending freely on holiday, see that jewellery and those nice clothes and assume that you are loaded. What they won’t be able to see is how you live back home. How you work hard struggling to find money for bills, wishing that your dreams would match up to your pay. Just as it is rude to ask someone you barely know for money or gifts in the UK, it is equally rude to do so in Turkey. If he is bold in his demands it is because you have already been too generous or else others before you have created a monster. If you have been together for a while and he has some sudden ‘family’ disaster and needs 3000 Euros; remember that once you weren’t around. So ask yourself this, what did he used to do back then? – the answer is he coped. In this situation it is best to carefully explain your own circumstances and remind him that you also have family and other financial commitments to deal with. If he really cares about you he should accept this reality check with grace. And if he doesn’t then perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship. The basic rule here is that you should never entertain parting with your cash not even to save his soul. As this behaviour will only set a costly precsident that will ultimately end in heartbreak.

 The Healthy Alternative

Remember that rose he crafted especially for you from a beer stained serviette?

I bet you felt in that moment of unbridled cheddar that romance had finally been resurrected – Hallelujah!

How wonderful did you feel when he declared your beauty in front of all of his friends. And how about those Endporhins that coursed through your body as you nestled your head inside the nook of his chest as you watched the sunset together?

Every moment like this is a gift and frankly the Material should not enter the stratosphere of your love, for it will only serve to poison it over time. There are of course ways you can spend that hard earned holiday money that always seems to burn a hole in your pocket. But however you chose to splash the cash do it wisely so that you will both benefit, remembering that a good relationship is based on equality. By all means treat yourselves to a romantic dinner now and again. But let him put some effort in to it aswell; he should be cooking a Grill for you on the beach whilst you kick back with an Efes or two. Spend your money well, rent a Scooter or a Car – let him be your personal guide for the day. These are all realativly inexpensive ways to invest in a bank of memories that will ultimately pay you back in dividends. Think about the long term, for every Lira that you spend now, will later seem priceless when you’re apart and reminising about the good times that you shared together.

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5 responses to “Your Turkish boyfriend and Money

  1. Oh so true, I walked away from someone when he said he wanted me to get a bank loan for £3000 to “open a bar in Bar Street” knowing full well he would never be able to open one for such a small investment!!!!!! And I was proven right, he stopped all contact with me….. his loss not mine.

  2. did he buy you any gifts. if he did, then cared.

    but sometimes, other family members can see you as a meal ticket. so be careful of this. I had a BF and his older brother kept asking him to try and get money from me, we bust-up over it on several occassions. in the end i realised i didnt want to be in family where i didnt trust them. to be honest the rest of the family were lovely mom, sister, cousins all very hard-working and generous towards me. Made me welcome fed me, i stayed at the family house for several months over 4 year period.

    but the bf and brothers constant childish squabbling and jealousy over our relationship, money issues, power-struggles and acts of spitefulness got to me in the end and i broke it off.

    I realised that they were happy

  3. I have been bombarded by a very good looking turkish boy after sl;eeping with him on my last night of my holiday (I wasnt that into him when I did that) but on my last day post sex he spent the day with me at the hotel where he worked and I was staying. Then he asked for my number and text me constantly and called and chatted online every night, he declared his love for me (now I knew this was all very very strange as the way it had all happened so never really believed it but thought id run with it). On one occasion he said he had no money and his job was finishing and had to go back home and it made him sad. Immediately my red light went on and I said in no uncertain terms I will not give you any money I am not a stupid English girl, he said oh no dont understand me I do not want to your money. So I thought ok we’ll see. Then this carrie don for another two weeks, the contact, the I miss you’s. Then all of a sudden, BAM, nothing. Turkish men are renowed for this behavious, they are really very good at it. I am just very lucky I saw it coming 🙂

  4. In 2 years ive lived in Turkey for a year and a half. My house was in a holiday resort, Ive been going to the same resort for about 9years. This summer week after week I had different boys working in the bars and restaurants introducing me to their new girlfriends i could get introduced to the same boys GF 5 times a week. The girls are saying he said he loves me, wants to marry me and all i can do is sit their and smile and say ya Im sure he does. Girls, don’t listen to girls that you’ve only met, they’ve probably said the same thing to 20 different girls that week already and next week when you go home hell have somebody else and asking that same girl to say the same things to her.
    Im with my Kurdish Fiancee for the past 2 years, Ive met his family, friends stayed with his parents and grandparents met his brothers and sisters. Only after going to his home and seeing how he is under ‘normal’ circumstances did I fully allow myself to love him and finally agree to being his wife. I love my Fiancee with all my heart and now trust him 100%, 2 years later and im the one asking him for money not the other way around as i don’t have a work permit, If he wants me to live their with him then he needs to support me, the same will happen if he wants to come to England, Ill help support him too.
    I suppose what im trying to say is dont trust too easily, and dont be stupid. But there is good ones there too, just take yer time and learn whos worth you hanging around for and whos looking to get the leg over and make a few pound on the way.

  5. Geraldine waters

    I met a Kurdish chef at the complex I stayed at and we kept in touch daily, he asked me to come back over, I booked my flights and then a couple of weeks before I was due to come over , he said his job was finished but he had a new job to start, then that fell through and he was going home to see his mother and would return to the resort in 10 days, after about 4 days supposedly being at home he asked me to get him an expensive phone, my blood ran cold , I realised Id probably been getting groomed for months, now he says he has cancelled his plant ticket back to the resort and blames me for misunderstanding him , they seem to be experts in trying to make you feel in the wrong , we now have no contact, surprise surprise , beware ladies

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